You Never Forget Your First Time … Speaking at a Literary Festival
by Maya Golden
It didn’t feel real until the moment I opened the spiral bound, laminated pages and adjusted the microphone on the podium. I’d signed the contract. I’d posted the Publisher’s Weekly announcement on social media. Still, none of those experiences thrust the reality that I’d become an author into my line of vision like looking out at the audience at my first-ever book reading.
Tidbits of my creation, my “word baby” as I’ve heard it called, had been shared here and there with copy editors and beta readers. I’d let my husband read over paragraphs that I wasn’t sure worked. I’d even workshopped a few pages in some online classes. But my writing had never been pushed out into the world quite like this. Especially not something so deeply personal.
I stood on the stage in the auditorium at the African American Museum of Dallas as part of the Dallas Literary Festival. I was invited to share a reading of my choice by my first writing instructor, Alex Temblador. I chose the first chapter from my memoir, The Return Trip (releasing Fall 2024 from Rising Action Publishing Co.). Reading a piece from my debut novel at such a prestigious event was an opportunity that left me feeling both humbled and grateful.
Not even seeing my name on the author and speaker page made it any more real to me that I was truly immersed in the publication journey. Not until I grabbed that microphone and looked out at faces anticipating my words.
I wasn’t anxious. I felt a rush of adrenaline, maybe the way an athlete feels before kickoff or the opening tip. It was go time. I’d been working for two years for the chance to have my personal story published and heard. Now, I had the audience.
There is something to be said for writing a such a personal and authentic biography in the memoir genre. In my case, I was telling an audience about the very worst things that had happened to me and the very worst habits I developed as a result. That part did make me anxious.
All authors are boldly stepping forward into uncertainty, which is what being vulnerable truly is, whether we write fiction or nonfiction. Sharing your creation for others to see and hear is an act of vulnerability. “See, this is a part of me and I’m sharing it with you. I’m sharing my imagination, a part of my brain, with you.” It’s what we are all saying regardless of genre. We hope readers like what we share or are at least moved by it. In my case, I hoped the audience would be compelled to want to hear and read more after my first reading.
Feeling vulnerable with my memoir is an ever-present feeling, like a shadow hitchhiking with me even in my sleep. “What’s your book about?” Even before the Dallas Literary Festival, I found myself bumbling through a reply, hastily throwing out words like “addiction,” “sex,” and “treatment.”
On March 20, 2022, I stood on that stage and publicly acknowledged the vulnerability and the stigmas of sexual trauma. I provided the audience with a content warning. It transformed my own feelings to a certain kind of determination. My story, I believe, needed to be heard. Just like the stories of so many other survivors and overcomers.
I was grateful for the thoughtful questions from Alex Temblador who served as moderator after I finished my reading. I explained to the audience that The Return Trip is the story of a girl who develops a belief early in life that she only exists for other people’s pleasure. The story is of the woman that little girl becomes. It’s not just a matter of reading and sharing a personal account. It’s also a matter of triumph over guilt and shame. As I tilted the microphone and read the title of Chapter 1 out loud, both of those faded away.
The reaction that followed the reading was one of overwhelming support. People asked when they could get the book or how they could order it. I handed out an informational page and spoke to people who were interested in my work. I wondered if veteran authors were as baffled by this as I was in those first few minutes. We hope we connect. We hope we write something that hits the target, leaving a mark, but there’s a big difference between hoping and happening. I spoke to people who wanted to know more about the book. I was floored. I spoke to other survivors. I spoke to those who love creative nonfiction. I spoke to some who just wanted to talk about growing up as a girl in Texas.
What I learned is that what we create as writers, published authors or not, the creations we share become something greater than pen strokes and taps on the keyboard. Those creations will draw questions, raise opinions and awareness, provoke thought, but it will always make an impact. Sometimes, it’s not the one we hope for and that’s okay.
I believe my first reading as an author was a success. I know there will be more readings in the future. I know every audience will be different and not all will be receptive.
I am, however, not a rookie anymore. I have my first reading under my belt. Sprinkle me with salt because now I’m seasoned. Also, I know that I am truly an author. That? That feels amazing.
Maya Golden is an award-winning television and print journalist and writer. Maya earned her degree from Texas A&M University and during her early journalism career covered sports for the university newspaper The Battalion. Maya began her television career as a production assistant at WFAA in Dallas and also served as an editor, newscast writer, and field producer. She worked as a general assignment reporter for KLTV in Tyler, Texas before becoming the first female weekend sports anchor/sports reporter in the station's history. Maya further made history as the first female sports director in East Texas television history, serving as the main sports anchor during the evening newscasts. She is the winner of several Texas Associated Press Broadcasters Awards as well as a two-time Lone Star Emmy nominee and the winner of the Excellence in My Market Award from the Lone Star Emmy Chapter of the National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences. Maya currently is a freelance journalist and is a frequent contributor for Bally Sports (formerly Fox Sports Southwest) and a sideline reporter for Legacy Sports Network. She has been featured on Fox Sports College as well as ESPN 2 & 3. Her work has also appeared on BlackGirlNerds.com, Dave Campbell's Texas Football, IN Magazine, The Tyler Loop and the Tyler Morning Telegraph. Maya is the founder and executive director of the 1 in 3 Foundation, a nonprofit organization that helps adult women recover from PTSD, addiction and the lingering mental effects of sexual abuse or sexual assault. Maya is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and an advocate for mental health awareness, support and recovery. She shares her story and message of hope publicly to inspire, educate and empower those living with shame and the stigmatizing silence. She and her husband have a son, two dogs, Fred and Bandit, two goldfish, Eddie and Arsenio, and two hermit crabs, Mr. Krabs and Shellby. Website: www.goodasgolden.com